craigslist crazies fridays: a winnah on the cod.

a majorly over due craigslist crazies friday. at least i found such a wonderful one.

finally. a true gentleman here on the cod. thank goodness. i was getting discouraged.

hands off ladies, he is mine.

jumping on the 3 things train. also, 3 is my lucky number. so yay.

The radness that is katie at suicide blonde tagged me for this. and i am oh so thankful she did, because i have had some seriously blogging brain farts lately. i'm not really sure why, i just haven't felt too funny. i think it's because i am pmsing. so really, i just want to be a biotch. but no one wants to read biotchness. so yay for easy peasy 3 things.

OH first- let me tell you why 3 is my extra special love number. i was in 2nd grade and we were doing a play with the 10 commandments (i went to a private, christian school), and for some reason there was a cloud for each commandment. there was one cloud left, and like 6 of us wanted that damn cloud. we would have clawed each others eyes out to be the one that got to hold that cloud.  so we all had to pick a number, and whoever picked the number the teacher had written down won. well, guess what number i picked. and guess who got to hold that damn cloud & be the star of the freakin' show, if i do say so myself. hells yes. so since then, i am all about the threes.




3 names I go by…
1. Jess
2. Jessie (my old school friends still call me this...)
3. Jessalyn (i know, not very exciting. i really don't have any great nick names...)

3 jobs I have had…
1. Retail Management (ae and macy*s)
2. Weight Loss Center Manager (fab job perk=the skinnies)
3. Bookkeeper

3 places I have lived…
1. Yarmouth Port, MA (the cape)
2. Newton, MA (near boston)
3. Centerville, MA (the cape again)
i know. i don't go far...

3 TV shows I watch…
1. ghosthunters
2. how i met your mother
3. millionaire matchmaker
(this is a list i could keep going on...)

3 places I would like to visit…
1. Sweden- i'm swedish.
2. california and vegas- one trip. the surferwife and gambling. right on.
3. texas, just because that's where meredith is, and if i am visitng monique, i have to stop in texas and visit meredith so my life will be complete.

3 fave retro TV shows…
1. what i like about you- i knooooow it isn't really "retro", but it's off the air. so that counts. i guess.
2. the cosby show
3.golden girls

3 fave dishes…i am keeping this vague
1. pizza
2. mac and cheese
3. pretty much anything with shellfish

3 things I am looking forward to…
1. sitting on the beach
2. taking some time off of work- it'll be my first vacay in 3 years. it is needed before i go all crazypants. i don't think i can blog from a mental hospital.
3. i am SO getting my ass to the west coast in the fall. i don't care if i have to sell my body.

3 people I am tagging…
anyone who has read this and hasn't done it yet. because i feel like everyone has done it. and i am super duper late to the party. fashionably late though. right.

The International Office Tour: a follow up.

ok, so you peeps are rad and asked some stuff. and seeing as i have had complete blogging brain farts lately am super duper giving, i am going to answer your questions.

before i get into it though, i felt i needed to give three cheers to amanda at it's blogworthy, because she started this whole office craze. and now it even has it's own button. so hiphiphooray for amanda. and for cher, for deciding it should be a thing. you girls are clever, and creative, and the awesomeness. so go see both of them, and tell them super nice things- and a congrats to amanda. why congrats? you will have to go visit her to find out...

so for starters, one of my first blogging friends, big boops of boops does tulsa said this:

"Wow! A couple of thoughts: with the water you must be super healthy and you obviously pee a lot. You should post a pic of the bathroom you use. Also, did you know that work environments with views of nature are totally restorative to the mind and body??? So you must be super peaceful. So you are basically super healthy, peaceful and wear rad sweaters. I feel like I'm getting to know you more with every post."

unfortunately, i am not super healthy. i think all the water i drink is absorbed by the pizza, ice cream, booze, etc...but i do pee a lot. so here is where i spend a significant portion of my work day:

again, i am looking out a window. i did not know the tidbit about nature and restoring the mind and body. what scares me about this is how crazypants i would be without views of nature. because i am not all that peaceful. i mean sometimes i make pandora play me spa-like music to keep me calm...but other than that, i am generally a loon.

but i do have a rad sweater. so thank you.

next, mimi of living in france awesomeness said:

"LOVE the sweater.
Want a close up of the tape dispenser.
Why does your boss's business run outta her house and what is it? Or can you not share that...? :)"

you ask and you shall receive:

also, for good measure, i will add in a pic of a chocolate shoe (also, a gift from my boss. a girl could get a complex and curb her shoe obsession. but not me, because i am not a quitter.)

i refuse to eat it. it's too pretty.

we run the business out of the house because it's much easier to just bury the bodies in the back yard at her house than if we were renting an office space somewhere.

i kid. really, it's just one of those sitches where the business has grown bigger and faster than she could have imagined. we are bookkeepers, so payrolls, a/p, a/r, bank reconciliations, yadda yadda. in the beginning it was just her and her sister in law helping out with a few hours a week. over the last three years, the business has grown to 3 full timers (incl. herself) and 2 part timers. we will be looking for an office space to rent this fall. but we want to spend one more summer by the pool. tough gig i have, huh?

then meredith of trifecta fame (and also (flash) pasteurized) prepared a little list for me: (also new format because it easier- my response in black. and bold. to make sure i am heard.)

1. why can't i have a freaking kitchen table and fireplace in my office?! because you have a grown up job

see meredith's office here.

2. i am allergic to cats. i used to be too, but apparently i out grew it. ain't that some shiz?!

3. WHERE THE HECK IS A MURAL OF TRIFECTA???? i don't see a picture of me anywhere in your office and i have a serious problem with this. firstly-i did not see my mug in your office either. secondly- remember on your office post i asked you to make me beautiful murals of pictures to decorate my office with? well, then you could add pictures of you and money. -fyi: money=monique=the surferwife. just so everyone is following...

p.s. i wish we worked down the street from each other and could eat lunch together. agreed

p.s.s. or p.p.s (i can never remember) i am obsessed with your sweater!!!!! i wore one really similar to it today!! twinsies!! as money and i have taken to saying- synergie. that's some trivia for you folks. where is that from?

the hostess with the mostest (miss cher herself) of this little tour also had a few things to say as well:

- your supervisors look like total slave drivers. Especially the one with the blue hair (WTF???)

 it is actually just blue bows. but it would be super rad if her hair was blue- and think i may just do it next time her mommy and daddy go away and leave her with me

- I love that you sit right at the window! Must be awesome on beautiful sunny days. Or highly distracting.

 totally the latter.

- since you're at your bosses house, do you get much blogging done at work or no? 

um. if my coworkers read this: i never blog at work. for everyone else: i totally blog at work sometimes. but that is because i have been keeping my home time internet-free to give my eyeballs a break. i am convinced i am going to go blind, or get a brain problem from staring at a computer screen too much

- a cat calendar? Really? Like you're not already surround with enough allergy inducing cats?

i already explained this to cher, but i will tell you peeps too. for the past two years, there has been a policeman calendar there. because, hello, i love me some men in uniform. but manfriend's dept. did not produce a calendar for my viewing pleasure this year. do not fret though. i have filed a formal complaint.

- I also heart my adding machine! Does that make us finance nerds?

um. maybe a little. but some people just don't understand how awesome an adding machine can be. i mean i have had others, but this is by far the best one ever. it's from like the '80s. we have to ebay them to get them (we have had three of this model).

- no office tour would be complete without a sweater. They seem to be a common theme. Although yours is the nicest so far!

thank you, but i bet you mine would not look nearly as nice if it were on the back of my chair like everyone elses. i kind of flaunted mine.

Okay - I'm off to retweet you and add this to my sidebar! This is SO flippin' fun!

Come on people - who's doing a tour next??

 i can't tell you who is next, but i can tell you who has done it!

- Cher's Office Tour
- Amanda at It's Blogworthy
- Cathy at Antsy Pants
- Foxy at The Fox Den
- Brandy at You Don't Know
- Salt at Salt Says
- Beckles at Foresight Is So Often Blind
- Mimi at Living in France
- Meredith at (Flash) Pasteurized
- Jade at Now That I'm No Longer 25

- The Surferwife at A day in the life of a Surferwife

 ok, that was basically it for direct questions, although kate of and then i was a mom said that she thought one of the cats had a glass eye. so i poked all four, and they all seem real.

and this is like the longest post ever.

so if i think of anything else to add, i will save it for another day because i need more material anywho. 

 

word to your mom mondays: OmgICantBelieveIhaven'tPostedInAWeek edition

obviously the office post took a lot out of me. i needed a week to recuperate. but i am back today for word to your mom monday. and i will be back again tomorrow with a follow up to the office post. peeps had questions, yo. and when there are clearly blogging brain farts going on, the best thing to do is answer some questions. right? right.

the best part of today's ud word is the guy who posted this definition. (see his name under the definition. rad.)





bumduggus    


a variant of bullshit, used to call something ludicrous and at the same time confuse the fuck out of whoever you're talking to.

person 1: i've never done drugs in my life
person 2: thats bumduggus!

by niggggggggggggggggga May 11, 2009

Cher's fab international office tour.

i am totes a follower, so i am jumping on the cher's office tour bandwagon. i don't really talk about me very often on my blog (which is weird because it is all i talk about in real life), so i figured i would share a little of myself. and my amazing new sweater. (sorry cher. i put a sweater in my office tour.)

i have a little different office sitch going on than most people. i work out of my bosses home. these are my supervisors:

this is morgan (aka "the special one". she runs this place). when she is not hiding her face she looks like this:

then there is lexy. she is an effin' lunatic. 

total crazy eyes.

and lastly, there is crystal. except i don't really care for the name crystal, so i have renamed her munchie (she looks like a powdered munchkin- or donut hole depending on where you are from.)

off the bat, you can already tell my office is anything but typical. speaking of bat. that's the name of our errand boy. my bosses dad does our post office/bank runs every day for us, and he is lovingly referred to as "the bat". why, you ask? long story short: his real name is raymondo. for some reason mail comes to "batmondo". so there ya go. 

this is an over view of my office- sorry for crapola pics. i was too lazy to get involved with a camera. and the pluggy cord thing. too much work.

this used to be my boss lady's dining room. now it is where i live, because i demanded my own office. ok not really demanded. i think i was either too loud and talky, or too messy. whatever the case, she stuck me out here.

this is behind my desk:

this is to my right:

some close ups of my amazing desk area.

i feel like this was no where near as exciting as all the other gals, but if there is something you think you could laugh at me for, and want to see it closer up or something, lemme know.

oh- one more thing. this is where i eat my lunch everyday:

i will close with my new sweater, that is the absolute radness if i do say so myself.

i swear, it isn't pirate like at all.

see?

via anthropologie 

word to your mom mondays. super late edition.

wow. i am a super sucktastic blogger these days. ok, i so  need to do some major rad posts in the near future because i miss my little blog, my bfffffffs, and i am pretty sure that the blog protective services might be called on me soon for being a bad blog mommy.

now, when i first hit random on the good old ud today, it was like "how about vagina, jessalyn?" and i was like "um, duh, ud. all my peeps know what a vagina is. as a matter of fact, i think 99% of my readers have one. get with it." so i took a gander over to the side bar at the vagina-related terms, and had to click on this one. i like it.


_______________________________________________________________________
Vagina ADD

A condition in which an individual seeking intercourse from a female (ie vagina) is incapable of devoting the necessary attention to the endeavor because he is too distracted by other prospects of intercourse.

 

for ex:

While dancing with a sure thing girl, Tommy's Vagina ADD flared up and caused him to stop dancing mid-song and approach another group of girls. In the ensuing maelstrom of estrogen and hurt feelings, Tommy ended the night with no vagina whatsoever.

________________________________________________________________________

i hate that they used the name "Tommy" in this example. i am picturing a little boy resembling gallant of the highlights for kids gufus and gallant fame, being all horned up. it ain't right.

also, don't like all guys have this? i mean, some may manage it better than others....but i am fairly certain they all have it.

upcoming attractions:
my office pics- for cher's awesome office thingy. yeah, i am totally late on this one. but late is my style. it's fashionable. or something.

another edition of photoshop y'all.

WINNAH WINNAH. word.

YAY TO NO MORE TAX SEASON!!! I am so going to be doing some boozing myself over the next few days. as a matter of fact, i have a hankering for a bellini as we speak. but before i go getting all drunkface, i have an important announcement to make.

that's right, SaraPlaysHouse is the winnah of forever bubbly champagne- a wonderful gift from the radness that is csn stores! hit me up with your addy!

p.s. will try to get back with my craigslist friday...it's a play day for me seeing as it is all april 16thy around these parts-(shana, hope you have a fun day!), so i have a full day of shopping, going out to lunch, catching up with my beloved blogging bffffs, going to see my long lost friend gym, who i am positive is pretty pissed because i don't visit enough. it might not be until later- but i promise some good crazies!

word to your mom mondays.

ok. i had to hit the random button over at the ud like 100 times. however it was worthwhile. this is so my new fave word i think. ________________________________________
Quimbecile 

A word used to describe a stupid fellow, who is also a cunt.

Ex. "Some quimbecile has soiled themselves in my chair"
________________________________________

why quimecile and not cumbecile? no idea. but i choose not to argue with the ud.

don't forget to enter my giveaway! i know a few peeps have been like "it's the coolness, but i don't get along with champagne. it gets up all in my brain and goes all pokey on it."

to this i say "but it must work with wine, too, right?!"

just sayin'.....

craigslist crazies. double edition.

ok, so this isn't as weird as mullet man, but it just proves to me that the cod is full of a bunch of weirdos. and because this one was weird, but not super super weird, i am going to post two today. again, from the cod- it is an older one i had held on to for a slow week.

i think i need to start looking in other craigslists, because this is making me want to move.

ok peeps. it must be giveaway season.

the surferwife, member of the trifecta, also happens to be hosting a giveaway. and i want to win. so don't go enter. i just want credit for blogging about it.

but yeah- you know how i feel about free money. it's like my thing. i love me some free money.

and this rad lady is giving us an $85 gift card to hapari.com. craziness right? now, shhhhh. don't tell anyone else, capice?

a giveaway that will change the world.

so manfriend is always all "we need big tvs, we need surround sound with the sickest speaker stands ever, we need xbox 360 & playstation3". and i'm all "i need booze. lotsa booze." but i face a dilemma, my bffffffs. if i had my way, i would sit down every evening with a glass of champagne. because wine is great, but champagne is fab. BUT! i can not drink an entire bottle of champagne in one night. at least not a week night, and then it goes flat in the fridge. and then i am some major sads. (okok i can finish it, but work would be displeased).

well i have some good news for me, and for you, my friends. because i found this:

The Blomus Cino Champagne Stopper

rad, right? well you just wait. because it get's even better.

are you ready for it?

the awesome folks at csn stores are letting me give one of these away to my lovelies. that's right peeps. you get to have champange whenever you want, and never have to worry about it going flat. can you imagine always having a bottle of champagne open in the fridge?! this is like monumental. this could change the face of champagne for ever, my chicklets. it is no longer only for special occasions! (although allyson is like way ahead of the times and already knew this and has champagne fridays every week. let us all take a lesson from our friend allyson)

so here is the dealyo.

• follow me on google friend connect over there~~~~~~~~>

and you get extra entries for doing the following:

• link this giveaway in a blog post, or in your side bar (+2 entries)
• tweet this giveaway- be sure to mention @jessalyn3 (+1 entry)

you can leave one comment, just be sure to let me know what you did- i will randomize the entries, then use the random number generator to find the winnah winnah on friday the 16th (because the 15th will be a little busy for me, i am sure. and what better way to celebrate the end of tax season than with a winnah!!)

things that make today a little craptastic.

this is what my car tells me the temperature is.  

(um ew. my car is dusty. sorry.)

(wait. scratch that. i am not really sorry. i actually don't care at all)

this is where i am enjoying it from.

(inside. in front of a computer. that i am still pissed at for being all virussy on me. stupid slutty computer.maybe now it will keep it's damn legs closed. but i doubt it.)

but thats just the beginning of the sucktasm that is today.

i also got an advertisement in the mail. wanting me to subscribe to prevention magazine.which is so an older lady magazine (no offense to anyone who reads it. but you know 19 year olds aren't reading it. don't they know i am just barely 21?! i mean, hello.)

and i have discovered i have cleavage wrinkles. am pondering botoxing the area that is between the girls. booby botox, if you will.

 (not an actual photo of my girls. i did not think that would be appropriate)

and my eyes are all puffy & stinging because i got sucked into the movie 7 Pounds last night. that damn will smith. i love him. but i am pissed at him for making me cry until one o'clock this morning. bastard.

ooooh will. how can i stay mad at you. 

i forgive you Mr. McHotpants.

and i went to my first body pump class in like 6 months yesterday. for those of you who have not experienced it, it is an hour of torturing every muscle in your body. the lady is up there being all "yee haw let's do a million lunges! rad! now let's do a million bicep curls! you can't move anymore?! great, then it is time for triceps!! you want to die? perfect! lets do 300 squats!! almost done! all that is left is a million different ab workouts!!" needless to say, even my eye lashes hurt.

and i miss commenting on all my bffffffs blogs because stupid work is being all stupid and extra worky.

lastly, i just ate about 312 cadbury mini eggs and feel like i could vomit. 

don't get me wrong. i am still rainbows and unicorns and cute fluffy kittens.

 see?

(via)

i am not being unappreciative of what i have, i am just bitching about what is irritating me. because let's face it, bitching is just more fun sometimes. 

i will leave with some happiness.

(via)

evil death virus.

i have contracted a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad virus. and not even the type of virus you contract by having adult fun. nono. just a stupid virus that i got from doing stupid work.
so my work pc and my personal laptop are both out of commission, for at least another day.

because i needed another reason to be a sucky blogger, eh?

booooooo.

xoxo,
jess
(see. i don't even have my fun signature. eff you evil death virus!)

p.s. thank you all very much for the well wishes, but it is my computer that is ill, not me. thankfully. :)

craigslist crazies fridays.

i swear, i am still alive. and i really am sorry how un-commenty i have been to all my besties. shana- only 13 days left! and you, my friend, have still been an amazing blogger during this horrid season! me- notsomuch.
but i did get it together enough to get this out today! (seeing as i did not get one other post done all week cuz i am sucky mcsuckerson...) i miss all my bffffffs terribly. sads.

as for todays post. methinks he doth protests too much...click to make it bigger!
it is a tempting bet to take...